Fann Brand Ara í geymslunni

Ítalskur ferðamaður gisti á KFUM hóteli í London. Vegna tungumálaerfiðleika varð dvölin skemmri en til stóð og Ítalinn hvarf á braut í fússi. Þegar heim kom skrifaði hann hótelstjóranum í Londin eftirfarandi bréf:
The Manager
Y.M.C.A. - Hotel
London
Roma 28 sept. 1981
Dear Signore Direttore,
Noew I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma froma Roma as a tourist to Londin and stay as a-young christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella.
"I wanta shit".
They tella me:
"Go to toilet".
I say: "No,no I wanta shit in my bed".
They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch".
What is a sonna-wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and egga en two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress and point at touast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say:
"No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She then say to me: "You bloddy wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch".
That is the second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna-wa-bitch", and why is your staff replying "Go to toilet", is that a modern tella? I do not understand please tella me.
Later I go for dinner in your restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out but no fock. I tella waitress:
"I wanta fock". And she tella me:
"Sure, everyone wanta fock". I tella her:
"No , no you don't understand me, I wanta fock on the table". She tella me:
"So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here!"
How comma this christian hotell tella the guests in such bed manner?
So I go to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. When I have paid the a-billa the portier say to me:
"Thank you and piss on you". I say:
"Piss on you too, tou sonna-wa-bitch, I now go back to Italy".
Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wabitch.
Sincerely,
Dicci Elgré